Andrew Luck, after a disappointing season, has already started an intense training regimen.
“To improve my skills I should emphasize my existing skills. The thing I do more than any other quarterback is get sacked, and I do it better. I want to dominate the league in that stat category,” Luck said as he placed cans of soup into a brown paper grocery bag.
“With the help of Ryan Grigson we can really let defenses hammer me more than ever before. But it all starts here, in training” he said.
Luck believes that going for the sack record is about more than just ability and personnel.
“You need the right mindset, so I am doing as many sack related activities as possible,” he said while lifting a potato sack. “This feels good, this feels like my future” he said.
When asked about the potential for injury Luck seemed unconcerned.
“We signed up for this…I think, I don’t particularly remember the night I signed with the Colts, it was the happiest day of my life, I think,….. what were you asking?”
The manager of the Marsh approached to watch as Luck pretended to be working and talking about groceries.
“The key to bagging groceries is very complicated, you have to keep the large heavy items from crushing the softer and more expensive items. I’ll show you,”
Luck grabbed a large ham and carton of eggs, as the customer watched helplessly.
“You can’t put these eggs near the ham, if that big ham gets to these eggs, BOOM!”
Luck, smashed the carton of eggs with the ham. The customers in Marsh grew silent.
“See, look at that! Those eggs are going to have to sit out for a whole season.”
The manager sighed and said, “Andrew, what have I told you about the eggs?”
“Sorry Matt I was just trying to show proper technique for protecting the eggs” said Luck.
Matt continued, “And, what have I said about the beard? You see how I have this shaved and professional look?” Matt said as he rubbed his shiny bald head and smooth face.
“Sorry, I guess you could say that the beard and I have grown quite attached” replied Luck.
Despite training as a bag bog, Luck made a big life change after learning Ryan Grigson, the General Manager of the Colts, had been fired.
“Wow, really? Matt…Matt…hey! Hasselbeck. I quit.”
Luck balled up his apron, threw it 75 yards, and stormed out of the Marsh Supermarket forever.