Clinton Emerges to Reveal Really Real Reason for her Loss; a Nationwide Attempt to set the Record for Pooch Screwing

Hillary Clinton, after months of silence, revealed the true reason for her loss. She didn’t cite the Comey letter. The real reason for Clinton’s loss was that the Democratic party had made an institutional effort to organize the largest multi-state pooch screw in U.S. history.

“The truth is, we were having conversations with the Guinness Book of World Records for weeks about the attempt to break the record. The previous record holder for pooch screws had belonged to George W. Bush in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. But we felt like we had a real shot this year.”

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