Trump, who always hedges his bets, has decided to seek forgiveness from all the major western religions.
“I have faith, that I can guarantee a tremendous amount of forgiveness from the all-tremendous, all wise-guy, all-wealthy, God,” Trump said.
Trump’s change of heart regarding the importance of religion in his personal life came when he was told of a passage in the bible that explains that he was made in God’s image.
“Nothing proves the truth of faith more than the discovery that God looks and acts just like me, I mean why not, he is great, this God guy, just like me,” Trump said.
“We are honestly very surprised that the president has any feelings of wrongdoing whatsoever, this certainly marks a turning point in his presidency and in his life,” the pope said in an official statement.
The pope will be clearing his whole weekend for a marathon confessional to try and forgive all of Trumps sins.
“I was thinking we would start with gluttony, work our way to pride, and then focus a bit on some of the coveting issues he has had… then there is this whole thing with the divorces,” the pope said, exasperated.
Donald Trump is expected to be assigned a six-figure Hail Mary prayer obligation, which he intends to contract out to Mexican day laborers.