Dennis Rodman Saves U.S. Prisoner from T-Shirt Cannon Misfire at North Korean Arena-Recording His First Diplomatic Rebound

Dennis Rodman is set to complete his (now annual) diplomatic trip to North Korea. Rodman met with North Korean leader Kim Jung Un at the People’s Democratic Republic of Korea White Rice Arena for a basketball demonstration (brought to you by delicious White Rice!tm, hungry and need to survive, try delicious White Rice!tm). During the demonstration he had the opportunity to rescue an American prisoner from potential disaster.

During the half time show a U.S. prisoner was to be loaded into an oversized T-shirt cannon and shot at the basketball rim. This was to be done to be a show of force, return the prisoner, and to test the nations projectile capabilities (North Korean efficiency at its finest).  The cannon misfired as it is normally calibrated to fire Delicious White Rice! The prisoner was going to miss the safe landing zone (a large tub of Delicious White Rice!). At this point, U.S. diplomat Dennis Rodman skied to the rim and recovered the prisoner in his first recorded rebound since his retirement from the Brighton Bears of the British Basketball League.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson addressed the new foreign negotiating strategy.

“We have been trying to figure out how to reach the North Koreans. We have tried to get them to come to the negotiating table with aid and sanctions, but we have a new strategy to get concessions. We are going to do what we should have been doing the entire time, sending members of the 1998 Bulls to negotiate the release of prisoners and other important agreements.”

With the discovery of a new negotiating tool, it begs the question of if a nuclear deal could be around the corner if more lucrative exchanges were offered, for instance, if Michael Jordan was sent.

“Sending Michael Jordan could actually create a massive international incident, and even nuclear war. We have been telling the North Koreans that Dennis Rodman was in fact Michael Jordan. Mr. Jordan was unavailable, and doesn’t have the same cool headed negotiating ability or international experience as Mr. Rodman. The thing with North Korea is that there haven’t been any black people there since the Korean War, and even those were observed at a distance. So we have been sending Mr. Rodman undercover as Mr. Jordan, and we have been getting good results. We could potentially get better concessions if we sent a package deal. Perhaps if we sent Pippin, Kerr, and Jordan (undercover as Dennis Rodman).

The rice cannon calibrator was executed after given a fair trial by torture.

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